This is the third post in a three-part series about my journey from self-discovery to action. Each publication addresses an essential aspect of this transformative journey. Don't miss it. #SelfDiscovery #Acceptance #Action
I have experienced a profound change in the last decade, a journey of introspection and growth driven by self-discovery.
Along the way, I discovered how consciousness shapes reality. By becoming aware of our thoughts and behaviors, we can change them, creating a life aligned with our values and aspirations. However, consciousness alone is not enough; it must be accompanied by action, like taking intentional steps toward self-awareness through meditation, writing, yoga, connecting with nature, and psychological and emotional therapy.
Another essential aspect of this journey has been learning to focus on the here and now, freeing myself from anxiety about the future and regret about the past, making room for enjoying the present moment.
Transformation happens when we surrender to it with compassion and resilience in a never-ending journey from consciousness to action.
Mindfulness
Pursuing mindfulness and awareness was a defining theme of my decade.
Activating this mindfulness was a challenging task. I read a lot of self-help books, participated in mental health therapies, tuned into wellness podcasts, and committed to daily meditation. I dared to read tarot cards, engaged in visualization exercises, and even delved into Zen Buddhism and shamanism. Driven by curiosity, discipline, and exploration, I experimented with various techniques, each contributing to strengthening the observer muscle of consciousness.
These practices allowed me to introspect from a gentle place of love, gradually letting go of ingrained bad habits from childhood, such as my self-criticism fueled by fear.
Mind Responsibility
Self-reflection illuminated another harsh reality—my mind dominated my human experience. In autopilot mode, it bombarded me with mental movies of my past and speculations about the future. Unnecessary images with which I didn't need to engage, let alone obsess over.
Fortunately, I learned to identify the exact moment when intrusive thoughts sought to hijack my mind and that anticipating the future or delving into the past without my consent caused me anxiety. I read a book called "Your Mind is Your Home" and implemented what I learned: close the mental windows cluttering the mind. Like the browser on my computer or unwanted emails, I practiced until the act of minimizing, blocking, or deleting negative constructs trying to invade my mental space became a habit.
I also learned to identify my anxious thoughts and rescue myself from them by implementing breathing techniques. I became adept at recognizing when my daydreams triggered anxiety, which allowed me to pause amidst them and tell myself: "Hey, don't indulge in those thoughts now; they're not serving you. Come back to the present. Breathe in one, two, three, four, and exhale in one, two, three, four, five, six. Return to reality; feel the delicate, cool breeze of the spring night in San Francisco. Stay here, be present in your life."
Facing Flaws
In the quest to understand my emotions, I stumbled upon a chart called "The Wheel of Emotions." This highlights the different emotions and feelings that we humans experience. Armed with a pink marker, I printed out the chart and began identifying which feelings resonated with me and where they fit among the primary emotions of fear, anger, disgust, surprise, happiness, and sadness.
Initially, I focused on fear and its associated feelings. From fear, I moved on to read about sadness and disgust, and I marked various emotions that I identified with. The next emotion was anger, and when I lifted the pencil, I realized that I had marked the fifteen feelings related to it. I was surprised to see that fear wasn't my real enemy; it was anger that was at the center of my internal struggles, and I remembered that the first sad moment I experienced was, in fact, the first time I felt angry.
Before my self-exploration, I erroneously believed that I was a calm person. But the truth was different, and now that I knew it, I had to face it and confront this flaw by looking deeply at myself and acknowledging what had been hidden within me for too long.
Since then, I have been committed to expressing anger in a healthy way and establishing boundaries that respect my space, making this process an essential part of my daily journey of conscious actions for personal growth.
Concrete Actions
My path has been multifaceted, embracing a myriad of experiences. I transitioned into roles as a student, wife, mother, writer, and even a permanent resident in a new country; all while delving into the worlds of technology, literature, metaphysics, psychology, and spirituality. During this period, I immersed myself in self-exploration, questing to heal old wounds and expand my consciousness.
Along the way, I sought help and found people who left indelible marks on me, such as Keith Willcock, a spiritual guru who uses mandalas and somatic therapy to heal the mind. Another character in my life was the art director Roland Young, my mentor at university, who played a fundamental role in helping to utilize my artistic talents. I also confronted my parents because of long-held secrets. I experienced the pain caused by a loved one's addiction, and I lived through the onslaught of my mother's cancer. At the same time, I lent my voice to the Nicaraguan civil unrest of 2018, channeling my frustrations into poems dedicated to my country. Actively confronting each of these events contributed to my self-discovery and transformation.
A Poem to Consciousness and Action
There is a woman inside me, desperate to come out. She is pushing through my skin, tearing muscles and moving bones. She is trying to break free and be herself. She is uncomfortable in the small space that contains her, adjusting; she can barely breathe. I want to let her go; I need her by my side. I have sought help, gathered knowledge, read books, and visited therapists. I accept where I am, after a gestation that lasted a decade I am in labor. Just as babies take nine months to develop into a complete human being, this woman inside me is at the end of her gestation, and now I am breathing, meditating, pushing, and resting.
Don't miss the other two parts of this series: The Journey of Self-Discovery and The Power of Acceptance.