This is the first post in a three-part series about my journey from self-discovery to action. Each post addresses an essential aspect of this transformative journey. Don't miss it. #SelfDiscovery #Acceptance #Action
The journey of self-discovery is a process that requires courage, vulnerability, and willingness. This journey has been a transformative experience marked by moments of introspection. Facing the mirror, appreciating both my beauty and my pain, acknowledging my traumas and wounds—such as the lack of validation I experienced in childhood and its impact on my present. Discovering my most profound beliefs and fears has been enlightening. Self-discovery has also been about reclaiming my power and recognizing that I can create and recreate my narrative. It has been a path of healing and growth, where I learn to embrace my entirety and love myself unconditionally.
Exploring the Shadows
Self-discovery often leads us to confront the darkest corners of our being, and on this journey, I stumbled upon a space where I mistreated myself with toxic self-talk and negative thoughts. This negativity even manifested in my interactions with others, revealing harsh truths about my addiction to self-abuse, perfectionism, and explosive reactions. These reactions also unveiled my struggle to know how to love. Despite my ability to create beautiful, emotion-laden poems, I was trapped in a world of hate and disrespect.
The realization that I didn't know how to love was excruciating. "You are love," whispers a magical being in my ear. Yet, I understood that I was expressing my affection to my loved ones incorrectly. Instead of drawing them closer, my misguided "love" was pushing them away. It was a tormenting ordeal, akin to trying to piece together a puzzle where the final image—love—was right, but the pieces were mismatched with those from other puzzles.
I became aware that my little Gina, full of energy, eager to express her feelings, carefree, ready to embrace, kiss, caress, and hear "I love you" a hundred times a day, was not receiving the kind of love she desired. She lacked the validations that come with words of affirmation and recognition. But I also understood that this was no one's fault; my parents were living their lives, doing the best they could, building a family, fighting for freedom, working and striving, and dealing with their own demons. Yet, she felt a lack of affection, which is also part of my reality.
Healing Through Awareness
The internal exploration led me to stop my self-abuse and mistreatment. It involved transforming my toxic inner critic into a loving, supportive, and compassionate voice. It also required accepting my worthiness and embracing myself without resistance. Furthermore, it meant allowing words of acknowledgment, love, and beauty to penetrate every fiber of my being.
As part of my healing, I learned to recognize and declare in the mirror: "I am enough. I have done enough. I possess enough knowledge and ability. I am smart, brilliant, and capable. I am a beautiful, fun, and interesting woman. I am a caring, loving, and supportive mother. I am a dedicated, passionate, and involved wife. I am a truly talented writer. I am an incredible human being, capable of anything."
I accepted the neglect I suffered and learned what that meant. Recognizing that the mere word existed as part of my past motivated me to research childhood neglect. However, I was afraid to delve into this topic, but I did, and I learned what it means today for me to have been neglected as a child, and now it is my responsibility to love and give my inner child the kind of love she deserves.
Embracing Self-Discovery
Self-discovery is undoubtedly a challenge. Awakening consciousness and spiritual enlightenment demand acceptance, understanding, and practice. But this path represents the future; why continue to live in the shadows? Soon, I began to see my reflection everywhere, smiling at what I discovered. Seeing myself constantly in the mirror, the windows, and even the shadows led me to interact with myself naturally.
A Metaphor for the Journey of Self-Discovery
One day, I found a box. When I opened it, I only perceived its darkness. I felt at the end of a road, with no paths or people in sight. Alone with my mysterious box, I questioned its purpose and delved into its depths. There, I found fears and monsters. I saw myself amidst chaos and memories, challenges and anxieties. As is my nature, I sorted out the disorder, and I found stories and knowledge in the corridors of memory. Every day, the box was a little cleaner. I focused on illuminating my box even more, transforming fears and monsters into friendly companions. As I delved deeper, I found dark corners where chaos reigned. Over time, the box lit up and organized itself, although its content remained the same. I continue to explore my box. Every time I emerge from it, I bring its light with me, illuminating myself with the glow of my discovery.
Don't miss the other two parts of this series: The Power of Acceptance and From Awareness to Action.